As unhappy as I was in my previous posts, I have this little voice in me that keeps telling me that things will get better. To me, I do find it kinda hard focusing on my work, and at the same time, trying to convince myself that everything will be alright. Deadline is approaching and yet I am not in productive mode. This tiny voice really keeps me going for the last few days. Anyway, as much as I hate it, things just took a turn for the worse today.Reality bites, I should have seen this coming.
I was working from home yesterday night ( Read: I AM STILL WORKING) when I turned on my laptop. At that time it was already almost midnight. When I opened my mailbox, an email titled "Message from Bill" caught my attention. This is not like any other communication email that I receive all the time, I thought. Then it hits me. This is a message from our CEO. My heart skipped.
The next thing I knew, my heart just sank. My worst fear has happened. To summed it all up, basically I shall be receiving 0% increment for next year. (Read: ZERO). Apart from that, if there's a promotion, there will not be any salary increment too. Stock purchase plan has changed and variable pay (ARV) will be computed differently with some percentage to go to Individual performance bonuses, all for the worse of course. At that moment, I felt that all my hard work, and effort have evaporated into thin air. What a bummer!
My feelings was a mixture of sadness, dissapointment, frustration, distraught, disgust, horrified, confused (anymore negative words) all broiling inside me. It's hard for me to fathom that hard work doesn't always pay off....I have learnt it the hard way. I 've come to a realization that when economic situation is in turmoil, situation changes. I must have taken things for granted all these while thus I am ignoring all the "visible signs".
So how am I dealing with this now?
On one hand I can start to run amok, cry like a baby, go bitching and complain about my life each day, cursing everybody that crosses my path, stop working completely, or send out hate mails to my managers or perhaps go to work looking like a drunken zombie, you name it.
On the other hand, I can keep up with my good work, keep improving my skills, enhance my knowledge, constantly look out for better opportunity (be it in another job opening or scholarship offers), or maybe delve into some side business or learn to do some investment and etc etc....
Looking at the options, I think I'd prefer the latter. I don't think I'd have the energy like the Incredible Hulk, running amok, hating everyone and passing abusive remarks. It may sound silly, but I'd rather keep up with what I am doing now regardless of what the situation is now. There's a saying that goes "When one door closes, another door opens". So for now, I will try to live by it, constantly looking for the "door" that's open. I shall persevere. My moment will come one day. I just need to be a wee bit more patient.
I know it's easier said than done..I have had my "down" moments and emotional outburst for days now, so I think it is time for me to get back on my feet. My little voice is back. She's telling me that this is temporary, have more faith and things will just get better..again..only time will tell..but I will not give up!
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